Tag Archive | Thought

Why is it so hard to love ourselves first?

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What do you say, feel and think when look in the mirror? Are these positive statements like, “I am truly wonderful just the way I am” or more like ” I look terrible today” or “I am so stupid”? Did you ever stop to think that there might be a big connection between loving yourself and how people see or even treat you? “But how can I love myself Daisy, I’m don’t like the way I look and I’m always making mistakes. But the worse part of it is that I’m always comparing myself to others”. Well, let me help you out a little there. Maybe that’s exactly the problem. I mean comparing yourself to everyone else. Or worse just concentrating on all the things you might not like. Honey, you are just not aware how truly wonderful you are. Everyone is. Thank God that everyone looks different and thinks different, that’s just the beauty of it all. It’s the versatility of colors and shapes and heritages that makes this planet so incredible. If everyone looked the same, boy would this be a really dull planet. Every single person and I do mean every single one of us is unique in his own way and deserves to be appreciated and loved. And it’s truly wonderful be able to love such a big variety of people.With this said, there is one important thing that you must understand. No one can truly love you and nothing will change, if you don’t learn to love yourself first.

It took me a long time to get this. I mean I’m almost 48 years old and I’ve been hearing these two words for almost 30 years. Love yourself. I too, couldn’t in my wildest dreams imagine that someday, I would be able to say these words to myself and really, really mean them. I hated myself for most of my life. I mean, the experiences I had, made me feel like I just wasn’t worthy of a happy and successful life. Some of it unconsciously. Some of it self-imposed. But today I have accomplished what many women are still finding hard to do. Love themselves.

Everybody has a story and everybody goes through bad times in their lives. Well let me tell you now, I’m the queen of drama. From growing up poor, never experiencing love from my mother, being sexually abused as a child, overeating, being bulimic, broken-hearted so many times to getting breast cancer. Sometimes I’m so surprised that I didn’t end up in the loony bin, because I have had many a reason to. But no, I am truly amazed as to how I managed to always, like the phoenix, arise from my own ashes. There were plenty of reasons to hate myself. I wasn’t white, I had curly hair, I wasn’t tall enough, I wasn’t skinny enough. And because I couldn’t look like my friends or some sized zero Hollywood scarlet, I just deprived myself of love. I wasn’t good enough. This is what I sad to myself for many, many years.

I thought that if I only accomplished to be all these things, life would then bring me happiness. Well guess what? WRONG!

How did I get out of it you want to know? Miraculously enough, I just decided one day to just stop! I got tired of looking in the mirror and saying nasty things to myself. I became really aware of the negative words that I was thinking and decided that if I didn’t accept myself exactly the way I was, nothing would ever change. So, I started saying positive things to myself everyday. At first it was hard, because I hated just about everything. But I started small. First it was my hands and my eyes, then my lips and my feet. Later my humor and my friendliness. I started writing down all the things that made me unique.

With time, I felt a bit better about myself. So much better that I started working out. I at that point I was thin, but I really didn’t have to look like a skeleton. I no longer wanted a body like Kate Moss, rather just the best body that I could achieve for my age. I. As time went on, I started to feel good. That’s when people started complementing me. But this time I didn’t say “Thank you” and mean “Yeah, yeah you’re just saying that”. I really began to accept and appreciated it from the bottom of my heart. I started to believe in myself. Then one day it really hit me and I realized just how special I truly am. I no longer felt the need to look like anybody else but myself, because I was pretty wonderful just like that. Finally, I could look in the mirror and say ” Woman, you are just damn fine” or “I truly love you” and meant it too!.

This didn’t happen overnight. It took years for me to come to this wonderful place where I am now. But after all these years, I can say that I’ve finally come home. I like who I am and I can look in the mirror and smile. I feel the need to take care of  me all the time. And it  all began with one simple step. The will to want to change. The will to live a happy life being me. The will to be loved exactly the way I am, because in the end, I am the most important person in my life.

Thanks for reading.

Daisy