Tag Archive | Stress

Making your needs a priority

Foto am 30-01-2012 um 15.37 #3Are you an emotional garbage can? Then please go on reading.

Did you ever have a day, after a long week, where you just wanted to be alone, maybe catch up on your reading or just relax on your couch? And then it’s like for some unexplainable and mystical reason, the moment you are about to sit your tired butt on that soft and cuddly couch, that the phone rings. At first, you think “oh man, maybe I shouldn’t get it”, but then you pick up, because after all, you want to be there for your friends. So you do this and one hour later, after you’ve hung up, you look at the clock and think “damn”, but it’s ok, because you still have the rest of the day. So you throw yourself into the arms of that awaiting couch, once again open the book and feel a sense of joy because starting now, you are going to relax.

Two pages into your book, you take a sip of tea and then you get a text message from your other friend, whose having marriage problems. She’s not feeling good at all. You read it and think “oh, maybe she needs me” so you answer that text message very quickly and after the tenth message back and forth you realize, this is going to take some time. You call her up at her request because she needs some advise. After one hour and a half of hearing her pour her heart out, you tell her that everything is going to be alright and if she needs you, you will always be there for her. You hang up feeling kind of low, look at the clock and think “damn, I really need to chill”.

So once again, you open your book, look at the page you last saw and realize you’ve forgotten everything you’ve read until this point. So now you have to start from the beginning. You read everything very quickly again, remember what it was about and are again filled with joy that staring NOW you have time. Just as the book is getting interesting, the phone rings again……

So by now you are getting my point. In the worse case scenario, it’s already getting late and you’ve just spent your day, listening to other people’s problems, when all you wanted to do was take care of yourself for a change. In the end you feel empty and probably upset because you just spent all your positive energy on other people. It might be that they passed on some of their negative energy on to you and now your day is kind of ruined for that matter. The question I ask now is: Why do we let others treat us like garbage cans?

When I say this, I mean why do we allow others to load their negative crap out on us? Please, don’t get me wrong. We all want to be there for someone in need, but does this mean taking care of the emotional needs of other people before ours? Is it really a bad thing, to take care of your own emotional needs first? Is is really selfish to love yourself, do something only for yourself and make your happiness a priority? Think about it!

One thing I realized in the mist of my illness, was that if I don’t take care of myself first, then I won’t be able to be there for someone when they really need me. Also, that I’m not here to save the world. It is not my responsibility to try to have all the answers for all my friends and family. The moment I got this, was the moment everything took a change for the better. I know that sometimes it’s hard because many women are brought up with the mentality as mothers and wives, to cater to everyone. My thought is: No one should have to be a garbage can taking in all the pain, sorrow, anger and judgement that others let out of their systems. Hell, it’s no wonder that sometimes we whine up feeling sick after being inundated with the emotional load that others unknowingly throw out at us. I think they sometimes forget, that we too all have our own problems and worries to take care of.

So, the next time you feel like you want to escape from the stress of life and do something for yourself, then I would suggest screening your calls.  Just in case, grandma calls with some good news. Remember, that you can only be a great and true friend, when you take care of your needs first and make your happiness a priority.

Thanks for reading!

Daisy

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Why do we stress ourselves out?

Let it all out!

Stress?

Yesterday while having dinner with a friend, we had the most interesting conversation about people and stress. I thought this might be a good theme for Daisy’s question of the day? It started with a simple fact that a lot of women feel the necessity to tidy up the couch pillows and leave the kitchen sparkling before they go to bed. It doesn’t matter how tired they are, if they are sick or living alone. Everything has to look pico bello perfect. For whom? Well…. just in case the president of the United States stops by? Are you kidding me?!!! My friend thought about it for a second and said well “I do it because I feel that I have to it” and “I don’t like the mess”? I asked her if she didn’t tidy up the mess, would anyone complain about the pillows”. Well no” she said “just me!” I looked at her and said “Honey, you don’t have to do crap!”. The only thing that anyone has to do is breath and eat and ok go to the toilet, but basically we don’t HAVE TO DO anything.

I mean, we all know that stress is awful and being under stress for long periods can actually influence our health. So WHY do we do this to ourselves? Frankly, we have enough stress in our daily lives. At the job, at home, heck with our spouses. Wouldn’t it be so much better, if we took those 15-20 Minutes and spent it on ourselves? How about making yourself a cup of tea and looking out at the stars or putting on that moisture mask and flipping thru your favorites mags. Come on, there are lots of things that could make you feel good or put a smile on your face. I’m pretty sure that if you do this instead of folding that blanket and arranging the pillows, that the world won’t stop liking you. 

And just in case the president should stop by, then tell him that your cleaning lady just quit!

Hugs

Daisy