Tag Archive | motivation

Making your needs a priority

Foto am 30-01-2012 um 15.37 #3Are you an emotional garbage can? Then please go on reading.

Did you ever have a day, after a long week, where you just wanted to be alone, maybe catch up on your reading or just relax on your couch? And then it’s like for some unexplainable and mystical reason, the moment you are about to sit your tired butt on that soft and cuddly couch, that the phone rings. At first, you think “oh man, maybe I shouldn’t get it”, but then you pick up, because after all, you want to be there for your friends. So you do this and one hour later, after you’ve hung up, you look at the clock and think “damn”, but it’s ok, because you still have the rest of the day. So you throw yourself into the arms of that awaiting couch, once again open the book and feel a sense of joy because starting now, you are going to relax.

Two pages into your book, you take a sip of tea and then you get a text message from your other friend, whose having marriage problems. She’s not feeling good at all. You read it and think “oh, maybe she needs me” so you answer that text message very quickly and after the tenth message back and forth you realize, this is going to take some time. You call her up at her request because she needs some advise. After one hour and a half of hearing her pour her heart out, you tell her that everything is going to be alright and if she needs you, you will always be there for her. You hang up feeling kind of low, look at the clock and think “damn, I really need to chill”.

So once again, you open your book, look at the page you last saw and realize you’ve forgotten everything you’ve read until this point. So now you have to start from the beginning. You read everything very quickly again, remember what it was about and are again filled with joy that staring NOW you have time. Just as the book is getting interesting, the phone rings again……

So by now you are getting my point. In the worse case scenario, it’s already getting late and you’ve just spent your day, listening to other people’s problems, when all you wanted to do was take care of yourself for a change. In the end you feel empty and probably upset because you just spent all your positive energy on other people. It might be that they passed on some of their negative energy on to you and now your day is kind of ruined for that matter. The question I ask now is: Why do we let others treat us like garbage cans?

When I say this, I mean why do we allow others to load their negative crap out on us? Please, don’t get me wrong. We all want to be there for someone in need, but does this mean taking care of the emotional needs of other people before ours? Is it really a bad thing, to take care of your own emotional needs first? Is is really selfish to love yourself, do something only for yourself and make your happiness a priority? Think about it!

One thing I realized in the mist of my illness, was that if I don’t take care of myself first, then I won’t be able to be there for someone when they really need me. Also, that I’m not here to save the world. It is not my responsibility to try to have all the answers for all my friends and family. The moment I got this, was the moment everything took a change for the better. I know that sometimes it’s hard because many women are brought up with the mentality as mothers and wives, to cater to everyone. My thought is: No one should have to be a garbage can taking in all the pain, sorrow, anger and judgement that others let out of their systems. Hell, it’s no wonder that sometimes we whine up feeling sick after being inundated with the emotional load that others unknowingly throw out at us. I think they sometimes forget, that we too all have our own problems and worries to take care of.

So, the next time you feel like you want to escape from the stress of life and do something for yourself, then I would suggest screening your calls.  Just in case, grandma calls with some good news. Remember, that you can only be a great and true friend, when you take care of your needs first and make your happiness a priority.

Thanks for reading!

Daisy

Advertisements

Why is it so hard to love ourselves first?

P1000639

What do you say, feel and think when look in the mirror? Are these positive statements like, “I am truly wonderful just the way I am” or more like ” I look terrible today” or “I am so stupid”? Did you ever stop to think that there might be a big connection between loving yourself and how people see or even treat you? “But how can I love myself Daisy, I’m don’t like the way I look and I’m always making mistakes. But the worse part of it is that I’m always comparing myself to others”. Well, let me help you out a little there. Maybe that’s exactly the problem. I mean comparing yourself to everyone else. Or worse just concentrating on all the things you might not like. Honey, you are just not aware how truly wonderful you are. Everyone is. Thank God that everyone looks different and thinks different, that’s just the beauty of it all. It’s the versatility of colors and shapes and heritages that makes this planet so incredible. If everyone looked the same, boy would this be a really dull planet. Every single person and I do mean every single one of us is unique in his own way and deserves to be appreciated and loved. And it’s truly wonderful be able to love such a big variety of people.With this said, there is one important thing that you must understand. No one can truly love you and nothing will change, if you don’t learn to love yourself first.

It took me a long time to get this. I mean I’m almost 48 years old and I’ve been hearing these two words for almost 30 years. Love yourself. I too, couldn’t in my wildest dreams imagine that someday, I would be able to say these words to myself and really, really mean them. I hated myself for most of my life. I mean, the experiences I had, made me feel like I just wasn’t worthy of a happy and successful life. Some of it unconsciously. Some of it self-imposed. But today I have accomplished what many women are still finding hard to do. Love themselves.

Everybody has a story and everybody goes through bad times in their lives. Well let me tell you now, I’m the queen of drama. From growing up poor, never experiencing love from my mother, being sexually abused as a child, overeating, being bulimic, broken-hearted so many times to getting breast cancer. Sometimes I’m so surprised that I didn’t end up in the loony bin, because I have had many a reason to. But no, I am truly amazed as to how I managed to always, like the phoenix, arise from my own ashes. There were plenty of reasons to hate myself. I wasn’t white, I had curly hair, I wasn’t tall enough, I wasn’t skinny enough. And because I couldn’t look like my friends or some sized zero Hollywood scarlet, I just deprived myself of love. I wasn’t good enough. This is what I sad to myself for many, many years.

I thought that if I only accomplished to be all these things, life would then bring me happiness. Well guess what? WRONG!

How did I get out of it you want to know? Miraculously enough, I just decided one day to just stop! I got tired of looking in the mirror and saying nasty things to myself. I became really aware of the negative words that I was thinking and decided that if I didn’t accept myself exactly the way I was, nothing would ever change. So, I started saying positive things to myself everyday. At first it was hard, because I hated just about everything. But I started small. First it was my hands and my eyes, then my lips and my feet. Later my humor and my friendliness. I started writing down all the things that made me unique.

With time, I felt a bit better about myself. So much better that I started working out. I at that point I was thin, but I really didn’t have to look like a skeleton. I no longer wanted a body like Kate Moss, rather just the best body that I could achieve for my age. I. As time went on, I started to feel good. That’s when people started complementing me. But this time I didn’t say “Thank you” and mean “Yeah, yeah you’re just saying that”. I really began to accept and appreciated it from the bottom of my heart. I started to believe in myself. Then one day it really hit me and I realized just how special I truly am. I no longer felt the need to look like anybody else but myself, because I was pretty wonderful just like that. Finally, I could look in the mirror and say ” Woman, you are just damn fine” or “I truly love you” and meant it too!.

This didn’t happen overnight. It took years for me to come to this wonderful place where I am now. But after all these years, I can say that I’ve finally come home. I like who I am and I can look in the mirror and smile. I feel the need to take care of  me all the time. And it  all began with one simple step. The will to want to change. The will to live a happy life being me. The will to be loved exactly the way I am, because in the end, I am the most important person in my life.

Thanks for reading.

Daisy

Today is International NO-CALORIE Day!

IMG_1862

Take the challenge today ! Stop worrying for one day, yes just one day, about what you can, should or shouldn’t eat.

If you been reading my blog, you know that I am a firm believer of positive thinking. But, this here goes beyond that. It about a question that’s been haunting me for many years. Why do people stress themselves out when it comes to eating and food? There are like a bazillion books on diets out there on the market today. You shouldn’t eat this and you can’t eat that…bla, bla bla. Heck, if we were to put all these books together, the only thing we’d probably be able to eat was paper. I see it now. Us chewing on recycled tissues, because after all they are friendly for the environment and they have like zero calories. Wait a second! Aren’t the models on “Heidi’s Top Model” doing this?

I mean seriously, it’s like telling someone not to think of a pink elephant. Of course, they are going to think about it. So, if you are telling yourself “I shouldn’t eat this absolutely delicious-super-duper-chewy-chocolate german cake and thinking about how many calories and fat it has, then guess what? You are probably, going to wind up eating it at some point or another. Just because you are depriving yourself of it. I also know for sure, that after you’ve eaten it (no rather like stuffed it), you will walk around the whole day hating yourself and having guilty feelings, just because you ate it. One question: Do you think that you any different from me? Well, not really. The only difference is that when I decide to eat that piece of cake, I will be enjoying it, savoring every single piece I put into my mouth, and I will be telling myself the whole time, how truly blessed I am to be alive to be able to eat this cake. And also how much I truly deserve it!

Yes, I know what you are thinking! Little Mrs.Daisy is thin, she doesn’t have to worry about dieting, she can eat everything she wants. Wrong! But then again true at the same time. True, I am thin and I can eat whatever I want. But it’s not like I won’t gain weight and like have a metabolism like a marathon runner. No, it’s only because I choose to eat whatever I pleasure and truly enjoy every single bite I eat, without ever stressing myself out about the calorie content, if it’s healthy or not or heck, even if it’s swimming in lard. That doesn’t matter! My secret is that I have fun eating, I eat slow and when I’m feel satisfied, I just stop.

Believe or not, I too used to have massive issues with my weight many years ago. I was the roller coaster queen of gaining and losing weight. When I think back, I remember how I used to stress myself out counting calories, depriving myself of the things that I thought where “bad” for my figure. I was on every diet that came out and promised it was THE diet. And guess? Nothing helped, well at least in the long run. It wasn’t until I finally let go of the power that I was giving to my food, that my weight problems disappeared. I no longer cared what anyone was saying or writing about food. I took control and decided myself what was good for me. Thank God, because now I don’t have these dialogs going on in my head, that prevented me from just living and enjoying everything, including food.

Did you know that everything you resist is stress for your body. It doesn’t matter if its real stress, like something threatening your life or a thought out stress, like you’ll get fat if you eat this or that. Either way your body reacts with the production of stress hormones, that are originally supposed to be there to help you fight or flee. Today we don’t have to run for our lives or fight a lion, but sometimes we have to fight with our bosses or children.

Fact is, it doesn’t matter if your worrying about bills, your health or about food. Stress is stress and when hormones like Insulin and Cortisol are produced, you can do whatever you want, but you won’t lose any weight. So I figure it out this way. Why not just enjoy the foods you love once in a while, savor them while you’re eating them and know that when you are feeling good, you are actually doing something positive for your body.

So with all this said, I now proclaim today as International NO calorie (counting) Day and hope that you will take advantage of this opportunity to let go and enjoy something you haven’t eaten in a while. Give yourself permission to be free of worries about food and allow the joy that life is meant to be, to take over at least for one day.

Thanks for reading.

Daisy

Facing the pain of a broken heart

IMG_1523

When my second marriage fell apart, I thought that I was living out a scene in the movie “Groundhog Day”. Or was it called a deja-vu? Anyway, it was definitely something that I had experienced before, although I had promised myself, that this would never happen to me again. Well, there you go! Don’t ever say “never again” because you just might end up on square one again. Why do these things happen? Well, today I can say “it doesn’t matter” or “it’s part of my learning experience”, but back then, I was devastated, full of pain and left asking myself one of the most asked questions of our time,”Why me?”

After all, this was the man of my dreams and exactly 5 years later, I was unhappy and angry. He didn’t get along very well with my son and in the end, I had to make a choice. My soul mate or my son. I choice my son and left the man, whom I had given 100% of my weeping heart to. It was the hardest thing I ever did. There wasn’t a day in the year after I left him, that I didn’t long for him or wish that we could fix everything up between us. I worked like a maniac to forget the pain. Then, after one year of heartache, I decided to move back to the USA. Yes, that was the solution to my problem or so I thought. To go back “home” after 16 years of living in Germany. To escape the pain and let the wounds heal far, far away. Well, guess what? It wasn’t!

It’s a curious thing…why do we think when we have problems or are heart-broken, that if we move to another place or heck another stratosphere, that everything will just go away? Is this, this “out of sight, out of mind” thing. Do we truly believe that if we hit the road from our problems, that everything will be alright then? Well, hell yeah! At least for the moment.

Well, guess what? And this is the lesson to be learned! You take your heart and the wounds and the problems, almost definitely, along with you!

I decided to write about this today, because a good friend of mine, just got his heart broken not too ago. He decided to take up a job in Chile. I told him honestly, that I thought that he was mad. Then, he asked me why? Here is my answer:

Because one takes a big part of his broken heart with him, but still leaves a piece of it behind“.

Then he asked me, what exactly was it that I left behind?

I answered: “Everything I took for granted like true friends from the soul, my son, but most definitely a big part of whom I’ve become. The pain I took with me could only be resolved in the place I left behind, otherwise it would still be haunting me today“.

And this is true. It only took me 5 months in California, $25,000  and two transatlantic moves to realize it!

In the end, I had to come back, face my fears and carry my weeping heart through the whole mess I had left behind. It ended in divorce, then more pain when I found out that he found someone new. It was horrendous, but every day turned into another month and, although I couldn’t imagine it, life got better. My true friends helped me thru it all. My incredible strength and determination not to let anything break me, did eventually prevail. And then I got breast cancer.

I could have fallen, I could have given up. But no!..I chose once and for all to change. To once and for all let go of all the hurt and the anger of the past, that was like a film of toxic oil hovering over my cells, suffocating the health and joy out of my life. And I’m glad I did.

Today I choose to live in the presence and no longer look to the past, for it is over and done. I am truly blessed and happy to be alive.

Thanks for reading!

Daisy

My Cancer Erasing Tips

IMG_1156

Smilies save my life!

Yes, I want you to take good look at this picture of me. It was a while ago, but heck I was looking pretty that day. It was mother’s day and I had just eaten lunch with my son. No one in the restaurant noticed that underneath the wig, I was bald as an eagle. No one noticed the permanent make-up on my brows. No one saw a woman who was having a rendezvous with cancer. Now, I do use this word “Rendezvous” deliberately, because I have banned all negative terminology when it comes to dealing with cancer. And now I’ll explain why.

We always use these, in my opinion, awful words like killing and fighting against cancer. Hell, that just makes me depressed. I don’t want any killing going on in my body. Why can’t we concentrate on words like promoting health or finding ways to help the cancer to go into remission? I, from the beginning of my encounter with cancer until now, never saw it as something negative in my life. I accepted the fact, that I had to deal with it and chose to do it in a positive way. I knew that my body was asking for help and that I had to change something in my life.

So I’m going to tell you what I did and still do. Every night as I lay in my warm and cuddly bed, I close my eyes and visual my immune system cells being smilies :). Yes, these cute little creatures, that sure do put a smile on my face. I picture them bouncing around my body, looking for those unhappy cancer cells. Those, who just couldn’t help it, after all the years of being inundated with negative feelings like anger, hate and bitterness and eventually got sick. So I see these smilies bouncing up and down and then as they come into contact with cancer cells, I literally see them hugging the unhappy cells to death. As they are being hugged, they fall into a deep sleep and just disappear into air. This picture makes me smile, because it’s filled with love and positive energy. After doing this, I fall asleep felling really happy.

There are so many studies, that prove that your thoughts have a great influence on your body chemistry. Does anyone read this stuff? I mean our bodies are amazing. Genuine wonders! I truly believe that a body has the power to heal itself. I mean, it always has. If we get a cut, then it heals all by itself. We don’t have to tell it to close the wound. Our bodies function perfectly for all of our lives. We never have to concentrate on repairing cells because it just does it automatically. So why question our bodies when something like cancer shows up? How about accepting it and learning the lesson that it’s trying to show you.

Other things that I believe are wonderful, when it comes to dealing with cancer are meditation and exercise. They have really helped me to feel healthy and stay happy all through my, as I call it “10 Minutes with Cancer”. I recently saw a report about how cancer cells live from sugar in our bodies. It’s called “Feed a cold, starve a cancer“. Since then, I’ve been eating very low carb and feel incredibly energetic. I thought it would be harder for me, because hell I’m just a chocolate freak. I sure do love eating this stuff. But, I don’t stress myself out. I just go with the flow and see where this incredible journey is taking me.

Funny enough as I’m writing, a picture of my favorite dessert “Death by Chocolate” just popped into my head. Now that would be my way to go. Hahaha.

Keep smiling!!!

Daisy

Why do we stress ourselves out?

Let it all out!

Stress?

Yesterday while having dinner with a friend, we had the most interesting conversation about people and stress. I thought this might be a good theme for Daisy’s question of the day? It started with a simple fact that a lot of women feel the necessity to tidy up the couch pillows and leave the kitchen sparkling before they go to bed. It doesn’t matter how tired they are, if they are sick or living alone. Everything has to look pico bello perfect. For whom? Well…. just in case the president of the United States stops by? Are you kidding me?!!! My friend thought about it for a second and said well “I do it because I feel that I have to it” and “I don’t like the mess”? I asked her if she didn’t tidy up the mess, would anyone complain about the pillows”. Well no” she said “just me!” I looked at her and said “Honey, you don’t have to do crap!”. The only thing that anyone has to do is breath and eat and ok go to the toilet, but basically we don’t HAVE TO DO anything.

I mean, we all know that stress is awful and being under stress for long periods can actually influence our health. So WHY do we do this to ourselves? Frankly, we have enough stress in our daily lives. At the job, at home, heck with our spouses. Wouldn’t it be so much better, if we took those 15-20 Minutes and spent it on ourselves? How about making yourself a cup of tea and looking out at the stars or putting on that moisture mask and flipping thru your favorites mags. Come on, there are lots of things that could make you feel good or put a smile on your face. I’m pretty sure that if you do this instead of folding that blanket and arranging the pillows, that the world won’t stop liking you. 

And just in case the president should stop by, then tell him that your cleaning lady just quit!

Hugs

Daisy