Yes, letting go of the pain and fear from the past was the hardest part of all. Harder than the chemotherapy! But, I’m here to tell you that it is possible. How did I do this?
I made a conscious decision, not to think and worry about the past and the future. I brought my attention to what I was doing at the moment. Every single time a thought about my ex or about my financial situation started to haunt me, I just shoved it out of my mind, and thought about something positive in my life. I focused on living and doing things that made me happy. I was grateful for everything I have and for being alive. Sometimes I managed it for most of the day, sometimes I didn’t. Still, I never gave up. From week to week it became easier and I became better at mastering my thoughts. I continued to meditate and lots of interesting things just started opening up to me. Eventually the past did not hurt anymore and I was able to forgive and let it go forever.
The greatest thing of all was that people and friends began to become magically attracted to me and wanted to know how I did this. They asked me how did I manage in the mist of all, to remain joyful and positive. They admired me for my incredible energy and my reasons for seeing the cancer as an important stepping stone to changing my life and becoming a brilliant example for many woman. Hell, my phone was ringing all the time. Then a friend I hadn’t seen in years told me something I will never forget. He said that he always saw me as being superficial and materialistic, but now I was finally present. And boy was I!
Since then life has completely changed for me. I live 98 percent of the time in the present. I enjoy every single delicious moment that I’ve got and am always finding ways to follow my bliss. I notice everything around me and when I’m in a conversation with anyone, I’m 100 percent there. I enjoy every second and every word that is being said. I remember in the past, trying to listen but didn’t really listen, because I was thinking about something else that I had to do or something I had to tell someone. Gosh, that was just plain exhausting!
Now, I no longer worry about my future, for it will come exactly the way it’s supposed to come and I can truly accept it without the need for control. And that’s really good. However, I think about all the people who will go on living like I used to and realize that it’s a matter of time, before they too will get the kick in the butt they need to change something. Question is: Will they recognize this as a sign and change or do nothing?