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Making your needs a priority

Foto am 30-01-2012 um 15.37 #3Are you an emotional garbage can? Then please go on reading.

Did you ever have a day, after a long week, where you just wanted to be alone, maybe catch up on your reading or just relax on your couch? And then it’s like for some unexplainable and mystical reason, the moment you are about to sit your tired butt on that soft and cuddly couch, that the phone rings. At first, you think “oh man, maybe I shouldn’t get it”, but then you pick up, because after all, you want to be there for your friends. So you do this and one hour later, after you’ve hung up, you look at the clock and think “damn”, but it’s ok, because you still have the rest of the day. So you throw yourself into the arms of that awaiting couch, once again open the book and feel a sense of joy because starting now, you are going to relax.

Two pages into your book, you take a sip of tea and then you get a text message from your other friend, whose having marriage problems. She’s not feeling good at all. You read it and think “oh, maybe she needs me” so you answer that text message very quickly and after the tenth message back and forth you realize, this is going to take some time. You call her up at her request because she needs some advise. After one hour and a half of hearing her pour her heart out, you tell her that everything is going to be alright and if she needs you, you will always be there for her. You hang up feeling kind of low, look at the clock and think “damn, I really need to chill”.

So once again, you open your book, look at the page you last saw and realize you’ve forgotten everything you’ve read until this point. So now you have to start from the beginning. You read everything very quickly again, remember what it was about and are again filled with joy that staring NOW you have time. Just as the book is getting interesting, the phone rings again……

So by now you are getting my point. In the worse case scenario, it’s already getting late and you’ve just spent your day, listening to other people’s problems, when all you wanted to do was take care of yourself for a change. In the end you feel empty and probably upset because you just spent all your positive energy on other people. It might be that they passed on some of their negative energy on to you and now your day is kind of ruined for that matter. The question I ask now is: Why do we let others treat us like garbage cans?

When I say this, I mean why do we allow others to load their negative crap out on us? Please, don’t get me wrong. We all want to be there for someone in need, but does this mean taking care of the emotional needs of other people before ours? Is it really a bad thing, to take care of your own emotional needs first? Is is really selfish to love yourself, do something only for yourself and make your happiness a priority? Think about it!

One thing I realized in the mist of my illness, was that if I don’t take care of myself first, then I won’t be able to be there for someone when they really need me. Also, that I’m not here to save the world. It is not my responsibility to try to have all the answers for all my friends and family. The moment I got this, was the moment everything took a change for the better. I know that sometimes it’s hard because many women are brought up with the mentality as mothers and wives, to cater to everyone. My thought is: No one should have to be a garbage can taking in all the pain, sorrow, anger and judgement that others let out of their systems. Hell, it’s no wonder that sometimes we whine up feeling sick after being inundated with the emotional load that others unknowingly throw out at us. I think they sometimes forget, that we too all have our own problems and worries to take care of.

So, the next time you feel like you want to escape from the stress of life and do something for yourself, then I would suggest screening your calls.  Just in case, grandma calls with some good news. Remember, that you can only be a great and true friend, when you take care of your needs first and make your happiness a priority.

Thanks for reading!

Daisy

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Why is it so hard to love ourselves first?

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What do you say, feel and think when look in the mirror? Are these positive statements like, “I am truly wonderful just the way I am” or more like ” I look terrible today” or “I am so stupid”? Did you ever stop to think that there might be a big connection between loving yourself and how people see or even treat you? “But how can I love myself Daisy, I’m don’t like the way I look and I’m always making mistakes. But the worse part of it is that I’m always comparing myself to others”. Well, let me help you out a little there. Maybe that’s exactly the problem. I mean comparing yourself to everyone else. Or worse just concentrating on all the things you might not like. Honey, you are just not aware how truly wonderful you are. Everyone is. Thank God that everyone looks different and thinks different, that’s just the beauty of it all. It’s the versatility of colors and shapes and heritages that makes this planet so incredible. If everyone looked the same, boy would this be a really dull planet. Every single person and I do mean every single one of us is unique in his own way and deserves to be appreciated and loved. And it’s truly wonderful be able to love such a big variety of people.With this said, there is one important thing that you must understand. No one can truly love you and nothing will change, if you don’t learn to love yourself first.

It took me a long time to get this. I mean I’m almost 48 years old and I’ve been hearing these two words for almost 30 years. Love yourself. I too, couldn’t in my wildest dreams imagine that someday, I would be able to say these words to myself and really, really mean them. I hated myself for most of my life. I mean, the experiences I had, made me feel like I just wasn’t worthy of a happy and successful life. Some of it unconsciously. Some of it self-imposed. But today I have accomplished what many women are still finding hard to do. Love themselves.

Everybody has a story and everybody goes through bad times in their lives. Well let me tell you now, I’m the queen of drama. From growing up poor, never experiencing love from my mother, being sexually abused as a child, overeating, being bulimic, broken-hearted so many times to getting breast cancer. Sometimes I’m so surprised that I didn’t end up in the loony bin, because I have had many a reason to. But no, I am truly amazed as to how I managed to always, like the phoenix, arise from my own ashes. There were plenty of reasons to hate myself. I wasn’t white, I had curly hair, I wasn’t tall enough, I wasn’t skinny enough. And because I couldn’t look like my friends or some sized zero Hollywood scarlet, I just deprived myself of love. I wasn’t good enough. This is what I sad to myself for many, many years.

I thought that if I only accomplished to be all these things, life would then bring me happiness. Well guess what? WRONG!

How did I get out of it you want to know? Miraculously enough, I just decided one day to just stop! I got tired of looking in the mirror and saying nasty things to myself. I became really aware of the negative words that I was thinking and decided that if I didn’t accept myself exactly the way I was, nothing would ever change. So, I started saying positive things to myself everyday. At first it was hard, because I hated just about everything. But I started small. First it was my hands and my eyes, then my lips and my feet. Later my humor and my friendliness. I started writing down all the things that made me unique.

With time, I felt a bit better about myself. So much better that I started working out. I at that point I was thin, but I really didn’t have to look like a skeleton. I no longer wanted a body like Kate Moss, rather just the best body that I could achieve for my age. I. As time went on, I started to feel good. That’s when people started complementing me. But this time I didn’t say “Thank you” and mean “Yeah, yeah you’re just saying that”. I really began to accept and appreciated it from the bottom of my heart. I started to believe in myself. Then one day it really hit me and I realized just how special I truly am. I no longer felt the need to look like anybody else but myself, because I was pretty wonderful just like that. Finally, I could look in the mirror and say ” Woman, you are just damn fine” or “I truly love you” and meant it too!.

This didn’t happen overnight. It took years for me to come to this wonderful place where I am now. But after all these years, I can say that I’ve finally come home. I like who I am and I can look in the mirror and smile. I feel the need to take care of  me all the time. And it  all began with one simple step. The will to want to change. The will to live a happy life being me. The will to be loved exactly the way I am, because in the end, I am the most important person in my life.

Thanks for reading.

Daisy

Why do we wait for others to make us happy, instead of doing it ourselves?

 

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Yes, I know you might have the kid and husband thing going on and maybe working that full-time job is keeping you busy. You don’t seem to find the time to do the things you want or that fun stuff that makes you smile. Maybe, you think that other people have to take care of these needs and buy you flowers or heck, just say nice things to you, so that you know that you are a great person. Well, I’m here to shake you up and tell you something else. You are a great person. Actually you are and should be the most important person in your life!!! “Huhhhh, but why?” I hear you asking. Well yes, because no one is really responsible for your happiness except for yourself!

I know, I know….we hear this all the time. And maybe, you are aware of this principle, but can’t seem to kind incorporate it into your life, because it’s just damn work or it’s hard. Fact is, that when you rely on others to bring you happiness, then you are on the road to disappointment. People can do nice things for you and of course, one should always be grateful for such people in our lives. But in the end, true happiness comes from being at peace with oneself from the inside. From knowing that you are wonderful (no matter what you think of yourself) and that you truly deserve to be treated like a goddess (or a god). You should treat yourself exactly how you would want people to treat you. That’s the first step. And I’ll repeat again: To treat yourself exactly how you would like people to treat you. Why? Because you are unique and special and no one on this earth is like you!

So why not start today with little things like buying yourself some flowers or getting that pedicure or just sitting in the sun and eating your favorite ice cream, which you used to eat when you were a kid. And why? Well, because you’re worthy and deserve it? Do things that make you smile. Things that make you feel good. I can almost guarantee you, that when you start doing this, after a while things will automatically change. People will treat you differently. You’ll just emanate joy and good vibrations from the inside and people will feel this.

When you are the one that takes good care of yourself and are constantly making yourself happy, no matter what it is that you are doing, then you will, eventually, get rid of the exceptions you put on others in being responsible for your bliss. As a result of this, you’ll experience less and less disappointment in others, because now you don’t expect others to bring you, what you are giving yourself.

Be good to yourself every moment of your life! Because you truly are worthy of it!

Daisy