Here I am reporting to you one year after my breast cancer diagnosis. First of all, I want to express my deepest gratitude for still being here on this wonderful planet, on this wonderful journey that keeps getting more and more interesting as time passes by. So many emotional, soul touching experiences and changes.
Wow my hair is so long now!
In this one year I have become another person. When I look back at what this journey did to me, I can truly say that I don’t regret one single moment of this illness. If I wouldn’t have gotten it, I would still be in the same situation and doing the same shit I did for many years and this, my friends, was stressing out myself as well as my loved ones. Planning my life, worrying about what could go wrong and making everyone responsible when things didn’t turn out the way I wanted them to be.
I got upset about things, that today seem so insignificant and so small. I sowed the seeds of self-hatred, dissatisfaction and self-destruction and then passed them on to others. Of course, the whole time not being aware of the damage I was doing to my body and soul.
Getting breast cancer was the only way to get the message thru to me. I guess. Because of this experience, I was given a new chance. A chance to see life thru a different set of eyes. Now I can stop and smell the daisies. I can enjoy the sun caressing my skin and the wind kissing my face. I can feel life pulsating thru my whole body and for this I am so grateful.
I can leave the dishes in the sink, an unmade bed, the crumbs on the floor, the water spots on the mirror and the messy pillow arrangement on the couch and guess what? Life still goes on and everyone still loves me exactly the way I am. Can you believe this? Well, sometimes I can’t because just one year ago, I thought that if I wasn’t perfect, then nobody would like me. What a ridiculous thought! But, yes, that is the way it was back then. And because I wasn’t perfect, someone had to pay for my unhappiness.
Right now I feel so blessed and although I don’t know, if I will be there in one year, what I know for sure, is that I will go on taking in every single moment of this precious life. I won’t waste one second of my time living in the past or in the future. I will live right now in this moment. I will live in the present and suck in all the beauty and all the magic that this wonderful life has to give. I will be good to myself and to others. I will share and enjoy the love and the patience and the understanding that came to me at the moment when I let go of my old self and embraced a new me.
P.S. Happy Birthday Dad. Wish you were here!